Well, friends, it's time for me to reveal some secrets. Now, I may lose my "man card" for some of these. And I guarantee I'm going to irritate a lot of the women that read this, but everything I'm going to write is completely true. Deal with it.

First, I can say that I am qualified to write this column for many reasons. One, it's my column; I could write it about toe jam if I felt like it. Two, my relationships have run the gamut from notoriously bad to incredibly good, with a healthy dose of mediocre. I know the differences. Three, it's my opinion. Points one and three kind of go together. If you don't want to read my opinion, why are you here?

Let's begin by destroying some of the myths:

No angelic choir or celestial music is going to ring in your head. Doesn't happen, my friend. A good relationship is built on honesty and trust. Neither of those is going to be given immediately. If you let someone go because you didn't "feel that spark" when you first met him or her, you're an idiot.

But they are great when they're intertwined. The two halves become more than the sum of their parts. But if you sleep with someone to prove that you love them, or to try and keep them….well, we're back to the idiot thing again.

You occasionally have to put yourself in a position to be seen. While a lot of people say "I met so-and-so when I was least expecting it", the meeting usually occurred outside their house. If you sit at home every night wondering why you're alone, then chances are that's why you're alone. Get up, go outside, and meet some folks. The worst that can happen is you make a few new friends.

Now some tips:

I have a friend who is single. He's a great guy, nice as can be with a lot of good qualities. Recently two women moved into the upstairs apartment (it's a converted house) & left a note saying, in essence "we're you're new neighbors. Say hi when you have the chance". But he never did. Was this a perfect setup or what? But it was simply another opportunity blown to pieces. It would have taken maybe 2 minutes for him to knock on their door and introduce himself. This goes for women as well. If you see a guy that you find interesting take a second to say something. "Hi" is a nice icebreaker.

Another person I know is a very attractive woman, but she is a single mother so she doesn't get hit on a lot. She took her kid to the fair one time. A guy she thought was incredibly cute came up to her and said, "your son has beautiful eyes". She really wanted to give him her phone number; instead, she mumbled "thanks" and moved on. A man she'll never see again goes poof into thin air.

If you say you're going to call, then call.

I simply cannot see what type of power trip people get out of telling someone they're going to call them, and then not calling them. It's seven numbers, people. With a touch tone phone it will take you less than 15 seconds to dial the number, even if it's just to tell them you're not interested. People would much rather hear that you don't care to see them again then to hear nothing at all.

I see this one a lot, and 99% of the time it's the woman telling the man "well, we can just be friends". You may think you're letting them down easy, but a lot of guys think you're serious. If you don't want to be friends, don't say that you can be.

Here's a truth ladies: your man "checked out" other women before he met you. Meeting you is not going to flip some magic switch in his brain where he suddenly is not interested in looking at women any more. He's going to look at them, he's going to undress them with his eyes, he may even (gasp!) fantasize about them. This is normal male behavior. If you get upset about it, and allow it to cause problems, then your banging your head against a brick wall.

And you're not getting a free ride on this one, guys. A subtle glance at a nice looking woman is one thing, ogling for extended periods or, even worse, making some sort of comment or gesture is unforgivable. And don't get upset if your wife decides to check out a nice looking guy; it works both ways.

I thought this one was pretty obvious, since most everything I've mentioned involves some amount of honesty. But open communication is vital to a good relationship. Not cruelty, mind you; cruelty should never be mistaken for honesty. Telling someone "I think you're way too fat" may be true, and it may even be how you feel, but it is needlessly cruel. But if your partner asks you a question then you should be honest with them. One of my goals with my wife is to make certain that nothing said about me will harm my relationship with her. Even if they're lies.

This goes hand in hand with honesty. Communication is far more than talking. You're partner doesn't just need to know what you're thinking, but why you're thinking it. When you get into a serious relationship it should be more than just having someone else in the house. You are actually agreeing to give a part of yourself to the other person. It should be a very serious commitment.

There are going to be occasions where trust is imperative. This is mostly to the women: if your man wants to go out for an evening with the boys, you have to assume he's not going out to screw around on you. So what if he wants to go out and be irresponsible for an evening every once in a while? If he's looking to cheat on you, he's going to do it regardless. It's the same for you men out there. Occasionally your wife may want a night out with the girls. Let her go; trust her enough that she isn't going to embarrass you.

If you start falling into this trap then it's time to seriously re-assess your situation. If you have a lot of arguments along the lines of "you got to buy a bowling ball so I should be allowed to buy the Ferrari", or "I scratched your back for 16 minutes and you only scratched mine for 10", then you are beginning a downward spiral that will be very difficult to pull out of. Keeping score is something best left for football games.

If you're in a relationship for a long time, keep in mind that your partner is with you because they love you. They like hearing you say so…a lot. The words "please" and "thank you" should be said as often as possible. And, for heavens sake, remember that saying "I'm sorry" when you've done something wrong will go a long, long way towards patching things up.

Some other comments:

Speaking of commitment, keep in mind that you really should look around before settling on someone. Yes, I'm suggesting you "play the field". Making a lifetime decision when you're 19, 20 or 21 is ludicrous. You have the rest of your life; if you're right for each other then you'll get back with one another soon enough. If you date other people then one of two things is going to happen: you're going to find that nobody else out there measures up, or you're going to discover that you're not as compatible as you originally thought. In either case it's going to work out better for you.

I practice what I preach. Everything I have suggested on this page is how I live my life. I talk to my wife as often as possible; I always want to know what she is thinking. I have a completely honest relationship with her; there is nothing anyone could say to her that she doesn't already know.