Recently I was speaking with a girl at work. She got married not long ago, and is now pregnant and expecting her first child. She mentioned that a lot of women that would never before talk with her suddenly wanted to regale her with their pregnancy horror stories. 

I spoke with her a bit about what I had seen & felt during the three births where I've been present. She told me it was very interesting to get the male viewpoint. There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but time was short and I knew it would take time to compose my thoughts.

So, my friend, here is what I wanted to say:

I don't sleep as well as I used to. Every noise I hear makes me wonder if my child is ok; everything that creaks makes me want to check on them. I lie awake at times and wonder if I'm doing things right, or what I could have done differently.

Time is far more important to me. Even though I love my job I find myself constantly wondering if I'm spending too much time there. My children are growing up so quickly and I want to be there to see it.

I hate watching TV. The news frightens me and I wonder if my kids are going to grow up in a world that is more chaotic than the one I grew up in. So many things that would be unthinkable when I was a child are common place now.

The look in my kids eyes when I'm able to teach them something they really wanted to learn is worth far more than I can express in words. The squeals of delight they give over the simplest of things, like finger painting, are priceless to me. 

Watching my kids play in the snow, or teaching them how to play kickball; I wouldn't give that up for the world. 

There are times when I'm feeling so down I don't think I can ever get up, and one of my kids will give me a hug and tell me they love me. Completely unselfish, they expect nothing in return. But they are able to lift my spirits almost immediately.

The concern I feel when one of my kids has a fever, and the helpless feeling that exists because I can do nothing except make them comfortable, are nearly overwhelming at times.

My friend, children will make you run the emotional spectrum. From lowest to highest, and often within a  few minutes. You will lose sleep, and your priorities will change almost on a whim. Things that you never noticed before will worry you for days. The most minute things can take on astronomic proportions.

But you get to see the world through a child's' eyes; more specifically, your child's eyes. And the excitement of discovery will keep you young. The laughter, the love, and the excitement are addictive. Nothing in the world can compare.

I think it's best summed up  by a short conversation my dad and I had shortly before he died. I mentioned to him that I felt almost morbid, because every morning I looked in on my kids and found myself relieved that everything was fine. "Tell me dad" I asked, "when does this feeling go away".

My father looked at me for a moment. A look I'll never forget; emotion that he could never show in life was reflected in his eyes, eyes that I swear were growing a bit moist. He smiled a half smile and told me, "it never does, Brian."

You know what? It's worth it.

Let me know what you think.

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